50 shades of whaaaat

My old man just finished reading
That 50 shades of grey
He said he thought he’d try it out
When he got home that day

I was lost for flippin words
When he got home at six
“Darlin you’re in for a treat” he said
“I brought a great big box of tricks”

He opened up the box he had
To show me what he had inside
“Well what do ya recon darlin
You’re in for a rough ol’ ride”

Aww bless him, he was trying
“Get up those stairs” he said
“I’ll be on my way in a minute
I’m gonna tie you to the bed”

Well up he came all sexy like
To get the ties out of the drawer
But he turned around too quickly
And shut his willy in the door

He let out this almighty scream
He looked in a lot of pain
“My god darlin are you alright”
“Yeah, just slam it in again”

I said “baby do you love me”
And he replied, “not arf”
And as he bent down to kiss me
He let out this almighty fart

It made him jump up really quick
And banged his head on the shelf
“Shall we call it a day love
Before you kill yourself”

“I’ll be ok” then he picked me up
And threw me on the bed
He stood above me with a whip
I screamed “careful where you tread”

He thrashed around for a minute or so
Then slumped down in a heap
I thought he’d had a heart attack
But realised he had fell asleep

As I got up from under him
I giggled at the events that day
An as the sun shone in his hair
It highlighted his 50 shades of grey

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19 thoughts on “50 shades of whaaaat

  1. Aww, thankyou so much 🙂
    Most of my poems are so serious so thought that this would be a good change.
    Also, I’d like to thankyou for reading and liking so many of my poems and following my blog. It’s always nice to know that someone takes an interest in what I write.
    Take care xx

    Like

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