KNICKERS UP MY BUM

I got up this morning
Had a shower then got dressed
I was in a rush, I was running late
And I felt a little stressed

Now yesterday I went commando
But pulled the zipper up too quick
And before I even knew it
And caught me privates in the zip

So I made sure I had knickers on
Before I rushed out the door
But the hassle that they caused me
I should have left them in the drawer

I was out for fifteen minutes
When I felt that annoying pain
Me knickers went right up me bum
And I thought, “no, not again”

I did the usual funny walk
In the hope that they would move
Back to the place they should be
But they stayed lodged in that groove

I wanna stick my hand in
And go fishing for that lace
That’s chaffing my poor bum crack
While pain is screwing up my face

But by now everyone is staring
As I’m tugging at my jeans
They whisper that I have no shame
And I say “What do you mean?”

I don’t admit that my bum is hungry
An it thinks my knickers are to eat
So I make up a little story
To shut them up and keep them sweet

I tell them it’s my birthday
And friends are taking me for a treat
To see a show later tonight
So I’m just picking out my seat 😉

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51 thoughts on “KNICKERS UP MY BUM

  1. Bit baffled about the zipper and the knickers. Let me get this straight… You zipped up your dress first and put the knickers on second – is that right? And isn’t there a current trend to NOT wear knickers? That would be easier for your bum, but less to write about. Jolly good stuff!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol. It was the day before that I went commando and caught my private bits in the zip so the following day I put knickers on, then my jeans but my knickers kept on riding up my bum 🙂 and yes, I never wear knickers with a dress, just with jeans 😉
      Glad you liked the poem

      Like

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