Thoughts of an addict

His mother struggles everyday
To watch him throw his life away
Beautiful boy, now gone astray
Says he don’t need her help

Don’t you tell me what to do
I’ll do whatever I want to
Just back off you ain’t got a clue
And I don’t want your help

Oh, can I sleep here again tonight?
And then I’ll get out of your sight
And you can lend me money… right?
Well, that’s if you wanna help

Cos you don’t matter anymore
As long as I can go and score
You can give it all and I’ll still want more
So there’s no point to your help

What? Do you think this is fun?
Look what you’re doing to your mum
You keep this up then we are done
Unless you get some help

Listen Dad, it’s a disease
And while it never lets me sleep
Just one more hit puts me at ease
That is all that’s gonna help

I’ll tell you want you want to hear
If it means that I can get more gear
So stop your nagging, don’t interfere
I will never need your help

I’ll sell my belongings if I need to
It’s got nothing to do with you
And I will steal if I have to
So you can go and stuff your help

He’s high again, there’s a surprise
Can’t tell his truth from all his lies
His dad despairs his mother cries
Desperate to get him help

I’m lost dad, look behind my eyes
I am many forms and shapes and size
Full of deceit, denial and lies
So how are you gonna help?

I know I promised over and over again
That I’d stop just to relieve your pain
But I can see your doubts remain
So yes, maybe I need your help

Trust me dad I want to quit
But can I have just one more hit?
Then I promise I’ll be done with it
Then I will get some help

I don’t like my life or this disease
And I want to put your mind at ease
Take me to rehab would you? Please
I could really use your help

I’m sorry for neglecting you
After everything you tried to do
I hate all that I put you through
And I can see that I need help

Here at rehab I feel so sad
Thinking of all I’ve lost and all I had
Loved ones and friends I treated bad
But it’s good that I’m getting help

I love you Dad, I love you Mum
So much for all that you have done
I’ll come out of here your loving son
And I’m so grateful for your help

A million words

I really missed our chat today
I missed telling of my love for you
But a thousand words are not enough
A million words would be too few

I love the way you make me feel
And I just love to speak your name
The thought of loving you tomorrow
Gets me through all my todays

I love everything we have together
Everyday is something new
I’ve fallen in love a thousand times
And it’s always been with you

For VJ

I know when you were younger
You thought you never had a chance
To be like everyone you knew
To sing and love and dance

The people you thought were your friends
Never understood the problems that you had
But let me tell you sweetheart
Of why you should be glad

You didn’t understand yourself
And didn’t know just who you were
But you never saw what I saw
I told my friends “I want to be like her”

You have bloomed into a flower
And have such love and empathy
As well as kindness and understanding
I’m so glad that you are friends with me

So take a breath my lovely
And think of all you got
Because I’m tellin you straight from my art
You got the bloody lot

Loved ones lost

I know your heart is breaking
And full of hurt no-one can heal
But you will have your memories
That nobody can steal

It’s so easy for other people
To say that you will be ok
When they don’t really understand
How you struggle everyday

It’s difficult to see sometimes
Beyond the loss and sorrow
But I hope your lovely memories
Will see you through all your tomorrows

It hurts to think of you so sad
So I wrote this just for you
So you know you’re not on your own
Cos I have been there too

So when you feel you can’t take no more
And want to scream and climb the walls
Please remember I’m thinking of you
If that’s any help at all

For my Nan

For my Nan to thankyou for the times
We use to spend together
You were the only one who loved me
You took me out in all the weathers

The times you took me to the park
Brought me home when it was dark
Mum would stand and glare at me
Covered in dirt from head to feet

Now you have gone and I have grown
My heart is truly broken
So Nan, how do I carry on
Without your words of wisdom spoken

Some people are touched by an angel
But Nan, I was touched by you
When I was sad and tears would fall
It was your love that pulled me through

I hope that you have found your peace
Within the gates of pearl
I love you Nanny with all my heart
I will forever be your girl

xxxx

Mon Petit Fleur (Carl Edwin)

There was once a time I lived my life
The way they told me too
How to behave and dress and think
If they said jump, that’s what I’d do

But now I live at a distance
From all the hatred and decay
I believe what goes around, comes around
So for all their poison, they will pay

You reminded me that past is past
And that there’s nothing I can do
And I’m so glad you came into my life
Friends forever, me and you

You showed me how to be myself
And to look people in the eye
I can feel your worry when I am down
And you care enough to ask me why

My god we had fun at the pub
Laughing into the small hours
You’ll always be in my life and heart
Because you are Môn petit fleur